Yep, that’s right – fuck Joe the Plumber, fuck Joe Six-pack, and fuck Larry the Cable Guy while we’re at it. Fuck anyone who replaces their last name with a profession or pastime, as if we were still living in Biblical times. Sometimes I feel like we are when these babbling cretins are given their five minutes of fame. You can interview all the authors, researchers, analysts, scientists, etcetera that you want, but it’s Average Joe’s brilliant bumper-sticker analysis of the election that gets the most coverage because idiots like watching other idiots on the idiot box. Then journalists and politicians alike gloat over how great and wise the American people are, while behind closed doors, they laugh at their utter ignorance and stupidity. The media needs these jackoffs for ratings and advertising revenue, and the politicians need their votes and tax dollars, so it’s easy to see why they dangle off of Joe’s nutsack, but do the rest of us have to? Do I have to embrace every brainless, toothless hillbilly with a misinformed attitude just because I share a country with these asswipes? Sorry, but I’m not a fucking statistic, and Joe the Plumber represents me about as well as any politician does, which is to say, not at all.
John McCain’s main (and only) talking point in last night’s debate was invoking the name of Joe the Plumber – a man that he claims represents the average American. As it turns out, of course, Joe is just another lie propagated by the conservative movement in hopes of connecting with the only people dumb enough to vote against their own tax bracket – white, redneck, Christian hypocrites. It only takes a few minutes of fact-checking to find out that Joe does not have the means to purchase a $250,000 business, as most plumbers wouldn’t, even though this was the crux of his initial question to Obama. (He would, most likely, be eligible for Obama’s tax cut, by the way.) In fact, he owes the city of Toledo $1,182.98 in back taxes, so it’s going to be a while before he realizes that “American Dream” he claims Obama threatens anyway. McCain declared Joe an undecided voter, despite the fact that he’s a registered Republican, a Bible-thumper, pro-war, against Social Security, and has been using McCain’s recycled lines in every interview he’s had since his meeting with Obama. Oh, and he’s not a legal, licensed plumber. And his name’s not Joe – it’s Sam. Yes, everything about this guy seems to be a blatant fucking lie.
So, of course, there has been speculation that Joe is just a Republican plant. His first major public appearance was on Fox News, after all. But why use a plant if there are so many REAL average Americans willing to vote Republican, even after the colossal failure of the last eight years? It’s simple, really – it’s hard enough to keep a trained bullshitter like McCain from saying something politically incorrect…never mind these upstanding citizens…
These guys represent Joe the Plumber better than Sam ever could. McCain was quick to defend his rally members last night because they can say all the nasty, racist smears that he can only imply, and many have even hypothesized that the people who recently shouted “Terrorist!” and “Kill him!” at Palin’s rallies were also plants. This makes sense, considering their shouts could be heard loud and clear during quieter moments in the speeches because of strategic microphone placement and the same buzzwords were used at rallies in several different locations. The ironic thing is that the Republicans really could use a plumber right now – mainly to stop the gallons of diarrhea horseshit from pouring out of their mouths at full speed.
I’d like to say that I’m ashamed of my fellow middle-class citizens, but I’d rather just admit that I’m not surprised. Unlike Joe the Plumber, I’m not trying to pretend that I’m expert on tax cuts or the economy – I just know how to read and research my politics before I dedicate myself to them. I don’t vote for people like Joe Six-Pack because he may be able to tell me where the cheapest bars in town are, but he also thinks that Iraq “is the one shaped like a boot.” We already had the Everyman president, and we all know how well that one turned out. Let’s give the candidate that doesn’t need a mascot a chance – at least he can speak for himself, and in proper English, no less.
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Nice writing style. I look forward to reading more in the future.
Apathy. Ignorance. Sheer stupidity.
The core of the issue is monetary policy. The Federal Reserve, which is a private banking institution, controls policy now.
Until that gets resolved, it doesn’t matter if we have Barack Obama, John McCain or Superman in the White House.
Agreed, chuckypita. Tell that to the morons in that video, though, and you’ll just get a blank stare. Obama is far from perfect, but he’s a step up, and that seems to be the only progress we can hope for right now – small, baby steps towards the real issues.
I noticed that Martin Eisenstadt, the blogger/pundit/war profiteer, is in the news again as the McCain insider who broke the story connecting “Joe the plumber” to Charles Keating. I recently shot an unauthorized mini documentary on Martin Eisenstadt called “The Last Republican” that I am showing as a webseries on my youtube channel, “youkaysam”.
http://www.youtube.com/user/youkaysam
At times charming and knowledgeable, Martin is, in fact, a dangerous McCain surrogate who hides behind layers and half truths that I like to believe I succeeded in identifying and exposing.
Yes Bill, that two seconds it took me to find a link on Crooks and Liars was certainly “a mega-distracting and stupid hunt.” What a waste of my time there. The article I wrote wasn’t just about Joe the Plumber – he took up one paragraph. It was mostly about how both the media and politicians use the Average Joe to further their agendas, when I could really care less about those types of people because they don’t represent me. As “liberal” bloggers, our job is to debunk dumb or distracting strategies the GOP uses to gain the votes of Average Joes, so that’s what we were attempting to do by even mentioning this story at all. I’ll freely admit that it was lazy on my part to just assume that my favorite sites had used a credible source, and I’ll certainly be more vigilant in the future, but in the time that it took you to find every one of our sites and individually spank all of us, YOU could have been talking about bigger issues, too.
If you’re looking to bury the Joe the Plumber story, you’re doing it wrong.
FUCK YOU RICH! YOUR A LIBERAL SOCIALIST COMMIE PRICK! GO LIVE SOMEWHERE YOU QUEER COCKSUCKER,ANTI AMERICAN DILDO!
JOE THE PLUMBER REPRESENTS ALL REAL AMERICAN MEN THAT HATE JACKOFFS LIKE YOU AND OBAMA!
YOUR A FUCKING PUKE!
FUCKING,FUCK, FUCKER!
Just the reaction I was looking for, Dennis. It’s people like you that prove my point completely. Only REAL Americans, in your eyes, are uneducated morons who don’t even know the difference between “your” and “you’re,” screaming and cursing wildly at anyone who demands change from this clearly broken system. I especially love it when you use those buzzwords like “socialism” without even understanding their meaning. If you cared to look it up in the dictionary:
Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy.
That sounds pretty familiar…it sounds a lot like the Wall Street bailouts that your buddy McCain suspended his campaign to work on. What our government has done the past few weeks was pretty damn socialist, so if you’re so afraid of the commies taking over, I’d look at what both parties are doing before I’d start throwing around words that you don’t fully understand. Very eloquent closing, by the way.
Rich, you took my exact thoughts about this Joe the Plumber bullshit and put it into a very well-written piece. AND you put a “REAL” American hypocrite, Dennis, in his place. I request that you have my babies.
Dennis: Your use of all caps has proven, that’s right proven, that you are right and this blog is wrong.
Dennis uses all caps because he is a on the side of GOD – and not just any GOD, Dennis is on the side of HIS GOD! He is on the side of the RIGHT, the moral majority. The same side that believes in separate and distinct rules for people of different socioeconomic class, ethnic origin, skin tone, sex and religious belief. The same side who would decide for you, what you can and can not have done to your body (even if their choice might lead to your suffering, or death)in the name of “The Right to Life”. The same side who can’t abide the teaching of disease prevention in Public Schools, but would prefer to teach the kids to “JUST SAY NO!” The same side who has decided that Charles Darwin was a moron and that evolution is just some crazy half baked theory (the fossils were put there by god…to test us!) The same side that has, in the not so distant past, burned people who disagreed with it’s edicts. The same side that supports the forced mutilation of the genitals of male children so that “they can be closer to their creator” The same side who’s ancestors, in a fit of hysteria, burned innocent people in Salem Massachusetts for being “Witches”. The same side who’s leaders ignored Osama bin Laden, the self proclaimed leader of the group of militant Islamic men who dealt us our greatest slap in the mouth since Perl Harbor and instead decided to go after Iraq, a country who was contained and crumbling from within – and to go it alone at that. The same side who, empowered Osama bin Laden during the cold war with the former Soviet Union, thought the provision of funds, weapons and even stinger missiles (look it up!) The same side that believes that they, the agents of their god, (and the only true god mind you!) have the ultimate and inalienable right to legislate our collective morality and bend any and all people to their will, no matter the cost to our country or to their undeserving victims! No matter that it is straining our military and economy to the brink, No matter that their foreign policy costs us the support of many of our long time friends and allies – (freedom fries??? anyone) (how about freedom potato salad). No matter that they are digging a debt hole that will take several decades to payoff. Dennis is on the side of right man! How dare you mere mortals criticize him? You can’t criticize the RIGHT, because they can do NO WRONG! They can find flaw only in others, but never within themselves. They are perfect, and when they do make a mistake, GOD FORGIVES THEM! No matter how many of the “SINNERS” they harm. So long as they do “HIS” will, as it is written, in the Bible. Criticism is useless! What must be done to those on the side of right can only be done with our votes. You can’t kill them – sinking to their level is not the way. You can’t argue with them – they are programmed beyond reason in most cases. They must be removed from positions of power and after they are removed, we must never forget, nor let our children forget, nor our children’s children, the dangers presented by a large group of humans bearing a shortsighted ideology. Long Live America and Peace be upon our world. May our planet be quickly and bloodlessly freed from those who see themselves as the purveyors of the absolute RIGHT!
yes dennis i can tell by your eloquent command of the english language in your fuck you commie blog,that you are a frickin genius!!!go ahead you ignorant moron vote republican help them transfer the nation,s wealth from the middle class to the mega rich few!!help them bust workers unions,help them git rid of social security,say okay fine ship all the jobs over seas for your coporate buddies deregulate every thing that was suppposed to protect the rights of the average american just for the profit of the few mega rich that the republicans covertly serve. the only time they care about morons like you is when it,s time to sucker you into voting for them!! other than that time they laugh at and have great disdain for lower social classes like you!!!