Setting the Conservative Bloggers and Pundits Straight About Bush and Obama

It looks like I’ve got to put a lot of people in their place tonight. It’s not going to be pretty, but all of this has to be said. The conservative bloggers and pundits are at it again, so let’s put some very fucking stupid complaints to bed already, shall we?

First of all, Obama’s not a natural-born citizen? Really?! How fucking sad and desperate are you people? Forget that’s he’s been a U.S. senator the past several years. Forget that he was born in Hawaii. You can even forget that he is not a naturalized citizen, which immediately shoots down any of the laws these morons are quoting. Just bear in mind one simple fact – even teenagers working for McDonald’s had to go through a simple background check. Do you really think the Democrats would have wasted millions of dollars and a chance at reclaiming the White House on a guy they hoped no one would “figure out”? Then again, these are the same people who claim that he is a “secret Muslim” who “pals around with terrorists,” as if the second he gets into the White House he’s going to exclaim, “Haha! Gotcha, bitches! It’s fuckin’ jihad time!” and start launching our own nuclear weapons against us. And they claim that we’re the conspiracy theorists! You’re just pissed because you don’t have any real dirt to dig up, which brings me to the next thing conservatives have to shut the fuck up about…

A beer? With you? You’re killing me here!

We haven’t been “picking” on Dubya. We weren’t “unfair” to the Republicans. Pointing out obvious facts isn’t an “attack” – it’s an evaluation. George W. Bush was a shitty, shitty president. Just fucking admit it. No, seriously, what didn’t this guy fuck up? Before becoming president, this guy couldn’t get a gym membership without invoking his daddy’s name. He barely scraped through college. He barely served in the National Guard. He barely squirmed his way out of prosecution for insider trading before he even made his debut in politics. He barely got elected president, and he couldn’t even do that legitimately. Then he ignored specific intelligence that could have prevented 9/11, used 9/11 to lead us into war based on false pretences, spit on the Constitution by oppressing dissent and authorizing warrantless wiretapping, violated international laws by going to war without UN approval and refusing to close military prisons that condone torture, stood idly by while Katrina devastated several states that still have not seen relief, ripped through our billion dollar surplus and turned it into a billion dollar deficit, let his cronies on Wall Street run wild, gave tax cuts to the rich while ignoring the middle class, and filled his pockets and the pockets of his administration with so much dirty money that Richard Nixon would blush. It makes me sick that just because he’s on your “team” that you’d defend this pile of shit to the bitter end, and it really is the bitter end at this point, isn’t it? We have not seen a recession like this since the Great Depression, and while the pillars of our economy continue to collapse around us, here you are defending the guy with the sledgehammer. Bush and his administration didn’t even try to hide their corporate ties or their arrogant self-righteousness – they knew that idiots like you would blindly vote Republican anyway. I remember the Republicans saying that they wanted to vote for someone they could have a beer with; someone they could relate to. If you could relate to someone as despicable as George W. Bush, then I pity you, because you are a selfish, disgusting excuse for a human being. You’re a coward who would let others work themselves to the bone or die in a desert so that you could profit or settle a score for your old man. You’re a thief, you’re a liar, and you’re a tool for someone who couldn’t give a flying fuck about you. If he saw you in the street, he’d smirk at the thought of how much money he stole from you as you waved naively. He wouldn’t have a beer with you because you’re not in his fucking tax bracket. He’s going to retire to a beautiful ranch while you struggle to make ends meet. I hope your asinine ideology was worth it, you fucking dipshits.

And finally tonight, I have to dispel this Obama “cult” thing. See, Republicans are so fucking thickheaded that they can’t even picture a likable candidate. John McCain was just another spoiled, malicious businessman who would sell his soul (or divorce his disfigured ex-wife) for any bit of financial and political gain. He abandoned any principle he once held that made him a “maverick” to score that nomination. He embraced religious leaders he once labeled as “agents of intolerance.” He employed Rovian politics, the same that squashed his 2000 nomination, and ran a campaign based around hate, fear, and ignorance. He attacked Obama over petty relations like Bill Ayers, yet neglected to discuss the Keating Five. He isn’t even a likable human being – this is a guy that even fellow Republicans label a “hothead” (to put it lightly). He couldn’t even restrain himself from snapping on his drug-addicted “cunt” of a wife in front of reporters. By contrast, Obama’s a guy who worked his way from the bottom to the top, stood on his own two feet without his daddy’s name or connections, seems to honestly love his wife, raised some pretty normal kids, and speaks eloquently, calmly, and more candidly than any non-Independent I’ve ever seen. No, I don’t think he’s perfect. No, I don’t think he’s untouchable or uncorrupted – he was a U.S. senator, after all. This whole “messiah” image was conjured up by McCain’s campaign as yet another smear in the place of truth. Most Obama supporters, including myself, just saw a new face who wasn’t born a child of privilege. He didn’t have this storied past of indictments and shady business connections. He’s seen the world outside of your precious little red states and doesn’t despise everyone with a funny name or strange belief system. He’s gone on record with some amazingly bold statements about race and religion that no other politician would touch. In fact, he’s the first candidate that I’ve voted for in my lifetime that I wasn’t just voting for by default. I know it’s a hard concept to comprehend after eight years of Mr. 28% Approval Rating, but I voted for Obama because he seems like someone who’s actually going to take his job seriously and not just focus on filling his own wallet to the brim. I will be critical of him. In fact, I may end of being more critical of him than I was of Bush because now I’m partially responsible for his presidency. I can’t fall back on the “…well I didn’t vote for him” excuse. I have more riding on this than you do. I mean, he can’t fuck up this country any worse than your asshole did, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t disappoint. I’ll get back to you in four years.

A “cult” is something, typically, that leads to some pretty sick shit. The cults of Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini led to the rise of the most powerful fascist regime in the world, igniting a World War full of unforgettable atrocities. The infamous cult of Charles Manson led to the brutal slaying of seven people. The Peoples Temple cult led to the suicides of 918 people, and several murders for good measure. So when you refer to enthusiastic Obama voters as a “cult,” I just can’t help but laugh at your utter ignorance of the term. I don’t remember cyanide-laced Kool-Aid being handed out at rallies. I don’t recall any speeches about wiping other religions and “impurities” from the face of the earth. I remember a composed, rational candidate discussing peace, unity, and understanding amongst every walk of life. You’re not going to be rounded up and thrown into detention camps for disagreeing – you’re just going to look really fucking stupid, and something tells me that won’t be a problem for you people. You’re clearly used to it.